Lonely Warrior
by JackieStarSister
Summary: Suki's thoughts about chivalry and chauvinism, and how she felt while waiting for Sokka. Songfic to "Cinderella" by The Cheetah Girls. Please review! *Cover art courtesy of the AvatarSpirit website.*


Song: "Cinderella" by the Cheetah Girls

Artwork: "Suki and Sokka" by AnywhereButReality on DeviantArt

The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything either as a blessing or a curse. ~ Carlos Casteneda

* * *

><p><em>When I was just a little girl,<br>__My mama used to tuck me into bed,  
><em>_And she'd read me a story.  
><em>_It always was about a princess in distress  
><em>_And how a guy would save her  
><em>_And end up with the glory.  
><em>_I'd lie in bed a__nd think about  
><em>_The person that I wanted to be,  
><em>_Then one day I realized  
><em>_The fairy tale life wasn't for me._

Like any little girl, Suki heard stories about male warriors who rescued beautiful girls in desperate straights. While some girls sighed dreamily and wished they were princesses, Suki and her friends felt sorry for the women who couldn't make it on their own.

One of the reasons she trained so hard to be a warrior was because she didn't want to end up in a situation like that. She wanted to be able, brave, maybe even heroic.

Another reason – one she found she had in common with Katara – was so that she would be able to defend herself, her home, and the people she loved.

The last reason was a little embarrassing; it was a matter of pride.

Katara told Suki how she had had to fight for the right to train with male waterbenders. Over time, Suki learned that Toph had had to rebel against her parents' expectations, and relished stupefying the adult earthbenders in Gaoling.

One thing the girls all had in common was that they had to contend with others' expectations of them. Suki would never forget her first experience doing that.

"I treated you like a girl when I should have treated you like a warrior."

He still didn't quite get it. "I am a warrior," she said, before she kissed him on the cheek. "But I'm a girl too."

Being a girl was as much a part of her identity was being a warrior.

Why couldn't she be treated like both?

_I don't wanna be like Cinderella,  
><em>_Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,  
><em>_Waiting for somebody to come and set me free.  
><em>_I don't wanna be like someone waiting  
><em>_For a handsome prince to come and save me.  
><em>_On I will survive.  
><em>_Unless somebody's on my side,  
><em>_Don't wanna depend on no one else.  
><em>_I'd rather rescue myself._

Suki jumped at the opportunity to help the group cross the Serpent's Pass. She could spend time with Sokka, and she could make sure they made it through safely.

The irony was, he was more concerned about her safety than he was about his own.

"Something happened at the North Pole, and I couldn't protect someone. I don't want anything like that to ever happen again."

He wasn't acting this way because he thought she was incapable, but because he wanted her to be all right. Suki could respect that; it was the same way she felt about him.

But Suki had been raised as a warrior, and after finally entering the War, she knew what the reality was. Anything could happen to either of them. One of them could lose the other. She tried to accept that possibility.

In spite of all her training, Suki was not invincible. She really was like any other warrior: she could be defeated, even captured.

That's what she told herself, when she was imprisoned.

_Someday I'm gonna find someone  
><em>_Who wants my soul, heart and mind  
><em>_Who's not afraid to show that he loves me.  
><em>_Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way i am  
><em>_Don't need nobody taking care of me.  
><em>_I will be there for him just as strong as he will be there for me.  
><em>_When I give myself then it has got to be an equal thing._

Suki had spent the first fifteen years of her life in the same place,with the same people. It had been hard enough for Suki to leave her home and many of the people she loved. But she always had her girls, the Kyoshi Warriors, by her side. Until fate separated her from them, too.

Suki wondered vaguely what it meant, the fact that she was sent to the Boiling Rock. Did the Fire Nationals see her as someone who _needed_ to be confined in an inescapable prison? That seemed almost a compliment. More likely, they thought it best to separate the leader so the group wouldn't know what to do. But Suki knew better; the Kyoshi Warriors would muddle through. In fact, as long as they were all together, they might even be able to organize a jail break.

Suki doubted she would be able to. She was on her own, and there was no way she was going to ask any of the other prisoners to help – she had no way of judging who she could trust. Besides, this was "the Fire Nation's highest-security prison." This wasn't the kind of jail where you could scratch marks into the wall to keep track of the days.

She wondered what would happen if she asked a guard for the date. Probably she'd only get disrespect. Better to look down and not draw any attention to herself.

That was her reason for drawing back upon herself.

For the first time in her life, she felt alone.

Lonely.

Maybe her time here would be her time to be self-reliant. An odd way of looking at it, while she was waiting to be rescued.

Suki did feel fairly confident that she would be rescued. Sokka and his friends had a way of turning up where and when they were needed.

What would Sokka think of her, if – when – he did rescue her? He may not actually mock her, but he would think, _See, you can't take care of yourself_.

Would he be right?

_I don't wanna be like Cinderella,  
><em>_Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,  
><em>_Waiting for somebody to come and set me free.  
><em>_I don't wanna be like someone waiting  
><em>_For a handsome prince to come and save me  
><em>_On I will survive  
><em>_Unless somebody's on my side  
><em>_Don't wanna depend on no one else.  
><em>_I'd rather rescue myself._

Now, Suki finally understood why those old spirit tales were so popular. They were stories of hope, promises that even if you were suffering now, things would get better.

The only problem with that theme was that it implied that you don't have to try to improve things yourself, that you should just wait for someone else to do so.

But on the other hand … if you kept hoping and waiting for help, it meant that you weren't giving up. That was something she'd never thought of before.

Suki made up a story about herself, the kind of story that would be told to children before bed, or around a campfire. Since she didn't have any way to write it down, she repeated it to herself in her head, like a long mantra. It was her only entertainment, and it kept her hope up.

_Once upon a time, there was a beautiful maiden who led a group of warriors. Though war raged throughout most of the world, the warriors lived on an island untouched by violence – until someone arrived who changed that._

_A group of travelers came to the island. Among them was a boy, a warrior from the south._

Of course, spirit tales usually didn't have much character development, and two lovers would never be remembered for being at odds, even if it was only when they first met.

_ When the girl met the boy, their lives were changed forever._

_They opened each other's eyes, and made each other look at the world in a different way. The boy learned that girls can be fighters too. The girl realized that she couldn't be satisfied with her own peaceful life when there was warfare and suffering in the world. So she and the other warriors followed their new friends' example, and left their home in order to help in the war._

_ Their bond of love was strong enough to withstand time and distance. They kept each other in their hearts, not knowing when or if they would meet again, but hoping that it would be soon._

_One day the girl was captured by enemies, and taken to a prison far away. But the girl was strong, and she learned to be patient. She had faith in her lover, and she never gave up._

With this story running through her head, she found the days at the Boiling Rock endurable.

And it was fun to annoy the guards – some barely older than herself – with an air of cheerfulness.

_I can slay my own dragons.  
><em>_I can dream my own dreams.  
><em>_My knight in shining armor is me.  
><em>_So I'm gonna set me free._

After almost two months, Suki's hopes came to fruition. Her warrior in stolen Fire Nation armor arrived to rescue her.

It felt good to be working on a plan. Ironically, she felt important, like she was needed.

She came to the conclusion that there was no shame in accepting help, as long as it was looked at as teamwork. And she proved herself during the rescue: when the guys were out of ideas, she was already running across the crowd, and captured the Warden in less than a minute.

Sokka and his friends needed her as much as she needed them.

Over time, Suki decided that interdependence was simply part of love. She would depend on Sokka, but he would also depend on her. She saved him as often as he saved her.

She was separated from her friends again during Sozin's Comet. She heard Sokka's terrified scream, and knew he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to save her.

But she didn't give up, and she was able to save herself. And this time, she was the one to save them.

_I don't wanna be like Cinderella,  
><em>_Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,  
><em>_Waiting for somebody to come and set me free.  
><em>_I don't wanna be like someone waiting  
><em>_For a handsome prince to come and save me.  
><em>_On I will survive.  
><em>_Unless somebody's on my side,  
><em>_Don't wanna depend on no one else.  
><em>_I'd rather rescue myself._


End file.
